you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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