We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
