I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
