We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
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Swine flu is the new snow day.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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