Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
