I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
