too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
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He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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