youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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