thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
