I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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