Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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