You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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