YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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