Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
