I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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