Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
