how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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