This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize