Jerry, you need to find god
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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