We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize