We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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