loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize