there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize