Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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