sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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