guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs