Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.