Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
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The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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