Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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