we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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