Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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