Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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