been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
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I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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