I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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