Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
