I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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