Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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