How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so let's talk penis.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
