I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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