I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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