There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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