OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
