her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
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he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
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i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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