hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
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We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
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My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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