Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
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You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
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Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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