Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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