I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
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He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
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It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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