3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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