Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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