So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
