someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
